Divorce and My Leap
Back to Myself

How do you find the courage to believe in yourself after years of being told you can’t?

For nearly 29 years, I believed my marriage was something I had to endure. But that’s not the whole story.

Believe me, I had many happy years with my husband, too. We built a good life together. We started a business and watched it grow into a successful company, which afforded us a comfortable lifestyle.

And, of course, my greatest blessings of all came from that marriage: my three beautiful children.

But looking back, somewhere around the fifth year of our marriage, trouble started to creep in.

First, there were the lies. Then the cheating. Then came more lies—many tied to business practices that, as an employee of our family business, I was told (by him) I had no choice but to overlook.

There were temper flare-ups, followed by physical and emotional abuse. He would then apologize, only to blame me for making him react that way.

Over time, this cycle continued, and his behavior became increasingly controlling, from how I spent my days to requiring authorization for any money I spent, and much more.

I learned to hide bruises and make excuses. I learned to keep the peace. I learned to question myself.

And perhaps most damaging of all, I began to believe the things I was being told: that I could never make it on my own, that my family wouldn’t support me, and that if I left, he would make sure I had nothing.

For a long time, I stayed because leaving felt more frightening than staying.

Then, in 2013, after 29 years of marriage, I found the courage to file for divorce.

That was my leap.

It was the most significant, life-changing event I had ever experienced.

I was terrified, not just for myself, but for my children. My two younger daughters were 13 and 14 and still in school. My oldest was 18, one year out of school and still living at home.

My greatest fear was our physical safety and whether I would be able to support all of us.

And, in many ways, that fear became reality.

I filed for multiple PFAs. I was fired from the family business. I couldn’t collect unemployment benefits. I had no income, and our assets were frozen. I couldn’t even afford a divorce attorney!

Meanwhile, he continued to have access to business funds and failed to pay child support.

The girls and I had some really difficult years.

I can admit now that there were moments when I wondered if he had been right. Maybe I couldn’t make it on my own. Maybe I had taken a leap I couldn’t afford to take.

But I kept moving forward.

In 2015, I finally found a stable job. It paid only the bare minimum of what I needed, but that job—and that first paycheck—gave me something far more valuable than money.

I could breathe again.

For the first time in a long time, I knew I could take care of myself and my children. I was rebuilding a life on my own terms.

It wasn’t easy, and it certainly wasn’t quick. There were years of uncertainty, financial challenges, and learning to do things I had never had to do on my own.

I drew on my upbringing and everything I had learned from my Dad, and with each challenge I faced, I gained a little more confidence.

I also found strength in knowing that I wasn’t alone. My family was there for me, offering encouragement, support, and a reminder of where I came from.

I began to realize that the woman who had been told she couldn’t make it on her own was, in fact, making it.

In 2020, the divorce was settled.

Eventually, I sold the family home where we had lived for more than 30 years. In 2023, I bought a new home closer to where I grew up, a place that, in many ways, felt like coming home.

Perhaps most magical of all, I now live within 2.5 miles of my family, who supported me every step of the way.

After everything, being close to them again felt like more than a change of address. It felt like coming full circle: back to my roots, back to the people who always believed in me, and back to where I could just be me.

Today, the greatest difference between my former life and my life now is peace.

I welcome each new day with gratitude for all of my blessings and the peace that I now know.

I no longer spend my days wondering what someone else will do or how I should react. I no longer measure my worth by another’s approval, nor do I see myself as someone who simply needs to survive whatever life puts in front of me.

I have learned to pay attention to red flags and not keep extending trust to someone who has proven untrustworthy.

When challenges arise, I stopped asking, “Why is this happening to me?” and started asking, “What am I not seeing? How can I grow?”

But the greatest lesson of all has been learning to believe in myself.

Now, I can look back at those 29 years and see beyond the pain.

There was love. There was a family. There were accomplishments. There were beautiful memories and three incredible children who will always be the greatest gifts of that life.

But there also came a point when I had to choose what came next.

The leap I took in 2013 wasn’t simply an escape from my marriage—it was a leap toward myself.

I was afraid I wouldn’t make it.

I did.

And now, after everything I’ve been through, I know something I didn’t know then: I really can do hard things. Whatever life throws my way, I know I will get through it.